While breakups happen each and every day, every breakup situation is different and brings with it its own set of stylized emotions that the two parties involved can relate to. But no matter what caused the fracturing and how it went, all of them can be considered sad episodes of one’s life and lifelong experiences. Breakups that had gone awry with all the hurtful things dragged up from our emotional dungeons and hurled at each other with angry and sometimes spiteful recriminations are some of the worst scenarios indeed. If that is the breakup that you’ve been through last, then you may still be recovering even now from the torrent of emotional discord associated with it and must be thinking that it is impossible to get back with your ex. You might be one among the many others who ask, “How do I get an ex back after that really big fight we just had?”

To tell you frankly, you are indeed facing a difficult and most challenging situation. No sugarcoating necessary here. Breakups are realities and it has to be handled on its face value. So, how do I get an ex back? Well, although it may be a hard road to hoe, the answer itself is relatively quite simple. Just summons the intestinal fortitude to say you’re sorry in a major way.

Not many people can locate the necessary courage or find it easy to say sorry. But no matter what kind of a person you are, or think you are, this is the biggest task placed squarely in front of you right now if you’re serious about a lasting reconciliation. If you really want to get your ex back, a simple sorry half heartedly or begrudgingly mumbled under the breath won’t do. With all that has been said and done, you can’t just undo things with that five-letter word and expect everything to simply fall neatly into place.

First, the timing has to be just right. Wait until you are truly ready to own up and admit all of your mistakes and when your ex has cooled down and is ready and prepared to listen. Remember that you can no longer impose anything on your ex. He or she is no longer your partner and both of you very well know that (or at least should by now).

Get your head on straight and think through and plan the perfect setting when to say sorry. You can tell it to your ex in a surprise meeting or you can set up via a blind date. Irrespective of which way you wish to do it, it has to be done perfectly and sincerely. So don’t even contemplate asking yourself how to do I get an ex back if you’re not 100% ready to say you’re truly sorry and back it up through deeds, not just words. If you can find it within yourself do so this of your own accord then you are at least half way home.

11 Responses to “How do I Get an Ex Back After a Big Fight Ended in Relationship Disaster?”

  • nathan:

    My guy is an excellent guy…he’s patient, caring, humorous and everything a lady want’s inside a guy. (Women…I do not mean to toot my horn but TOOT TOOT) Anyway, we have been together for any little more than a year, living together, so we have children (2 each) from previous partnerships. Eventually we’ll got married, because we’ve discussed it, but both of us agreed to not hurry. My Large dilemma may be the women in the family. Sister and mother. They’ve this factor any time he does not do the things they request (ex: bring them towards the supermarket, place a nail within the wall, petty stuff) they toss in his face “Oh since you connected together with her, you do not have here we are at us. Especially his mother. He will get upset also it will get me upset that he’s upset. I’m not sure basically should put my 2-cents inside it or allow him to handle it themself. It simply affects me a lot he will get upset such as this because I am into this guy deeply. Help!!!! Incidentally, he did exactly the same factor to his exes too.

  • friendly 4:

    I returned the place to find India (while dealing with a bitter breakup with my ex – both of us screwed up however it required us a lengthy timeto understand it). I met this girl despite the fact that I wasn’t physically very drawn to her, she discovered like a non-drama, simple girl whom I possibly could trust since my trust have been damaged previously.

    I met her two times — it had been an arranged setup and that i made the decision to marry her. I travelled to US and ongoing to talk to her. I began recognizing she wasn’t very soft and female but instead very coarse — she was the oldest in the household and it was elevated just like a boy in the home. I’m a very sensitive, emotional person and also the warning sign about her coarse communication style reached me however i overlooked it. She’d never liven up nice not behave like a youthful lady who’d be energetic to got married. I additionally recognized that her parents fully controlled her and were very insulting to my loved ones and fogeys right from the start throughout the wedding preparation phase. However, we overlooked everything since i thought the lady was nice, non drama.

    We’ve got married and that i began recognizing that they did not take proper care of herself, was in poor condition, did not wax a couple of occasions coupled with no style or class her grooming, dressing, communication, she’d spit on the ground and that i needed to stop her. She was lazy throughout even though I labored in your own home, she remained back and didn’t do anything. After I would return, she never demonstrated me any affection.

    So, I’d a discussion together with her and she or he began visiting the gym after several weeks of fighting, backwards and forwards however i never really loved her physically which spark and chemistry never came. After several weeks of declaring that to groom herself, I lost interest and recognized which i became a parent to her, not really a lover. It wiped out my attraction on her.

    She did try but with that time I’d quit.

    Now she’s in India and we’re at risk of the divorce. I wish to know should i be doing the best factor by ending this. I have to be truthful — I think back and understand that I overlooked lots of parameters within my partner search since i was lonely and bored with dating problems coupled with become cynical about women around me. I rushed into this marriage despite the fact that all of us were seeing these red-colored flags.

    I do not blame her because she’s who she’s however i feel sad since i could never pressure myself to sense of her. She informs me which i should not have married her. I seem like although it was my bad but it is not fair for all of us to remain together and lose out on searching for your spark.

    Shall We Be Held right because we barely sex and felt sad. She did request me to determine a counselor however i stored saying no thanks since i didn’t have interest — guess both of us were moving in depression.

    It is a complicated problem and that i take my share of blame however i shouldn’t keep declaring that how to proceed after i have forfeit all physical curiosity about her. She’s still not my type but she is a fairly person. In my opinion the chemistry is either there’s or otherwise and also the relationship develops for the reason that. Irrrve never felt that chemistry but married her because she appeared nice drama free and that i was lonely here.

    My real question is has been nice adequate or must i take a risk on my small existence and search for that spark. Both of us continue to be youthful and also have no kids. Performs this cause me to feel a poor person — I recognize I messed up since i was plainly searching for companionship and rushed into marriage since i was very lonely and totally cynical about attractive women :-( . Now i realize that’s not the situation. You’ll find god searching lady who’re nice.

    I additionally believe that we’d a large communication gap rather than really connected intellectually too. I did previously hug and hug her to try and initiate something but she’d never respond back saying that they wasn’t very significant.

    Please advice with honest feedback.

  • easton j:

    ive been dating my boyfriend for two years. he’s the love of my life and he is always talking to me about our future and how he wants to marry me. with in the past two yrs. he has texted his ex a bunch of times, to give you an idea of what he’s said to her it was things like “nice highlighter thong today” “look at the picture i found of us i love this one” , he’s asked me if he could go out to lunch with her to “end it all” bs and after he asked me that he told her i said no and she posted on twitter saying i must not trust my bf and be insecure with my relationship if two friends cant go to lunch, she made fun of me and disrespected me and the last i saw of him texting her which was after she disrespected me, a couple of months ago he texted her saying “i had a really scary dream about you last night and i wanted to make sure you were ok” now, i just recently got a new job and made friends with this great guy like hes really nice and we started texting i guess frequently but just talking about work and bs i told him and talked about my boyfriend to him and so he originally would ask me to go out with him and his friends and meet up with me and my friends at a club one day or something just so i can hook him up with my girlfriends since i thought he was so cool and i said i would. a couple of days ago he txts me and he tells me he likes me, my instant response no lie word for word was I’m sorry but i love my boyfriend, were practically married and i don’t think its a good idea that we talk anymore bc i don’t want to do wrong by my bf. he txts me yesterday while i was at a bar with my sister, mom and dad for my friend who was singing and i just told him where i was and he asked if he could come and i said well my mom and dad are here and were leaving soon. he comes anyway and so of course i say hello and i introduced him to my parents and then pretty much right after i left with my family. my boyfriend’s friend txts him and says i see your girlfriend with a guy at the bar. my boyfriend then goes through my messages and now he thinks that I’ve been cheating on him bc i was talking to him even tho it was never inappropriate and i told the guy about him. Some of the times that he texted his ex inappropriate things, i would keep it in and not say anything because i felt it was not worth the fight in our relationship. The times that i have asked him questions about what he has done , I never ever threatened to break up with him where he threatened to break up with me last night. My boyfriend lives with me and i do his laundry and clean up after the disaster that he leaves my room in. He isss in fact very good to me and i care about him so much. Did i cheat on him and am i wrong?

    Also the guy from work is really nice and we doo work together but for respect for my boyfriend do i totally not talk to him or answer him (sometimes he texts me while were in the office) or do i actually explain to him that we cant be talking anymore because it has already put some hurt in my relationship.

    also i just had my first day back at work since it happened and so i wrote a note to the guy telling him everything and he is upset because he at least wants to be able to be friends and hangout in big groups and he said it wouldn’t stop him from texting me even if i didn’t respond and he said i should just put him under a girls name in my phone book and i said no because thats not me and I’m not going to be hiding things or acting shady because i don’t want to ever hurt my boyfriend again but all day at work i could seriously just see how upset he was and he’s so nice and i don’t want to hurt him either. advice please, be truthful i know I’ve been wrong too tell me what i should do.

  • nathan:

    So me and my boyfriend (now ex) did lengthy-distance for just two years. I came 10 hrs from home to visit college with him. He scammed 6 days before me increased here. I figured being together would fix things however they only have been worse. I believe since were really together constantly we have seen one anothers true colors. It’s clearly not designed to work but will i keep connection with him or stop all communications? I am moving home in December. We’re so close but all we all do is fight whenever we spend time. We each treat one another like shit. It is simply toxic. Preventing all communications could be very difficult. We obtain inside a large fight a couple of hrs later I be done with it and miss him. The cycle never finishes. I wish to be achieved with him and that i don’t. I’m not sure how to proceed any longer. After I return home and do not see him everyday it will be simpler. But we’re each really close using the others family. I simply went home with him to his house since i can’t clarify to the house. I really like everyone. It can make this a lot harder. But even when we all do keep contact I do not see myself really completely recovering from him. And when we visited one another like we did throughout our 2 year lengthy-distance relationship, I see cheating/feelings returning. We would definitely sleep within the same mattress etc. It appears just like a occur. I usually blame myself and feel hopeless since i am this type of bad person/treat people badly/nobody is ever going to endure me. I am aware these defects and wish to change it out but it is sometimes complicated. Exactly what do I actually do to prevent this sort of feeling? Will I keep connection with my ex or block everything? Please I simply need advice/something to cheer me up about my self-confidence. Thanks:

  • Ryan Dunn:

    My hubby of three years was married before (this is my second marriage – the first would be a large disaster that survived for 4 several weeks – first husband was paranoid schizophrenic, physically and psychologically abusive, and nearly destroyed me). My second marriage, such as the first, was arranged (I am east asian).

    My current husband shared a 17 year-old relationship together with his ex wife. They were given married and resided together for five yrs before she known as it quits. She left on him and financially easily wiped him clean – essentially required all she might get. He wasn’t the very best of husbands together with her, and I will tell he deeply regrets losing her. He never compares me to her outright, but stated a few things that really hurt me deeply, for eg. “I have never needed to cope with this before,” , and “Basically socialized 1/100th better together with her, generate income use you, my ex wife wouldn’t have remaining me.

    He’s transformed a great deal. He would be a very impatient, very ill-tempered guy in him, and he’s transformed a great deal since. I understand that his temper was among the driving forces on her decision to depart him. The truth is, she resides in exactly the same condition once we do, so we reside in a small community, and that he will get news of her constantly – the memory is definitely fresh in the mind consequently.

    I’m super heartbroken. All I truly wanted was for somebody to like me, to become mine only. My hubby states he does not understand what love is any longer. Once he stated (annually . 5 ago I believe) he ‘likes’ me. I’d left on him last november since i could not take all of our fights and troubles any longer, and that he got scared and requested me back. However I believe he only wants me around because he’s frightened of being alone. He might worry about me, however i aren’t seeing any suggestion of affection. And That I believe that he’s constantly, unknowingly evaluating me together with her in the mind. And even though he’s decent enough never to come out and play down me, he’ll make these slip-of-tongue comments I’d pointed out below that states how he deeply regrets losing her, and he’s transporting a torch on her in the heart.

    Will I deserve this? I am a 32 years old lady. I would like some mature solutions..for those who have some insight and knowledge, I wish to know what you think. Only serious solutions are welcome. Thanks.

  • whitesoxfan2347:

    My husband and I started everything backwards! We were both ending our long term relationships (8 and 10 yrs respectively) when we met. We connected so quickly, finding in each other what we “were looking for all along.” He had a very judgmental and jealous ex and my ex was mormon. So we started talking as friends, started to hang out, and there was a mutual physical attraction. Fast forward, it was like we were soul mates. His ex came in the picture at one point… hurt me so much when he considered getting back together with her. My ex came back too once or twice, you know, the typical getting over someone. We clearly did not give each other enough time in between relationships. We were convinced that we were the exception and would have a fairy tale ending. Fast forward some more… a year after we met, we had already tried being apart and decided neither one wanted to be without the other, so we became an official couple. 3 months later, we moved in together and 6 months after that we were on the verge of breaking up because he had a lot of baggage and was borderline emotionally abusive since he was carrying a lot of hurt from his previous relationship. Right when I had “had enough,” I found out I was pregnant. I was so lost and in shoch, and he was so verbally abusive that after a huge fight, I packed my bags, pregnant and all, and lived out of the trunk of my car for 2 weeks. I was determined to end the toxic relationship it had become. We talked and agreed not to see each other for at least 2 months… I left to El Salvador to visit family and tend to my emotionall wellbeing. When I got back, we met to discuss “things.” We both came from broken families and carry scars from physical, emotional and sexual abuse as a result of our overly dysfunctional families… and decided we most definately did not want to put our child through that. I sought more therapy… he attended a session or two, we decided to “try” one last time.

    This man did a complete 180 and became such a different person. After many long conversations, I saw a side of him I knew was there… he was very caring. Very sympathetic, he tried to understand me, he watched his mouth, he was just so different. Everything seemed to be going well and he proposed when I was 8 months pregnant (we were already living together). We decided we wanted to have a civil marriage right before our son was born and we did. First months after the baby was born were hectic and I suffered from post partum depression (still do somewhat, but moderately – whatever that menas!). It was so tough because like I said, neither one of us has much family around to help, so we did everything ourselves with zero support. We became closer,of course… but…

    6 months later, neither one is happy. He craves an intimate connection that I can’t give him, and now his sensitivity get on my last nerve. By intimate connection, I mean he wants to cuddle and spend time together and I just don’t have the energy and/or don’t want to. I still remember a lot of the things he did to me up until I left when pregnant and haven’t let go. I still get angry and cannot believe I allowed him to put me through so much hell. Clearly I haven’t forgiven him or let go. I bite my tounge about so much because, like I said before, he is very sensitive. To top it off, I suffer from depression and am guilty of sabotaging relationships in the past due to my innability to form healthy relationships and my subconscious reminding me that every relationship I’ve known has ended in disaster (Dad beat mom, mom became schitzophrenic, after divorce mom was awarded custody and tortured both my brother and I, etc.) He doesn’t understand it, so we disconnect whenever something triggers my depression.

    This past weekend was the straw the broke the camel’s back you can say. My grandmother came to visit and he was so indiferent around her and didn’t even attempt to have a conversation with her. In the past, he has talked crap about my family and I was so afraid to lose him that I let it go (how pathetic right)… I am a totally different person now and was having none of that.

    Yesterday, we had a talk and I told him all the times he disrespected my family and how I wasn’t his mother and I shouldn’t be teaching him manners or about being polite. I told him about all the times I let him get away with so much and how I was sick of it. How I’m fed up with his sensitivity, how I cannot say anything without him being hurt (mind you I do not curse or use foul language ever). How his ex had played a role in our “relationship” since day one and I hadn’t forgotten how he’d call her or email her behind my back, write poems to her, etc. when were supposedly together… etc. Long story short, he understood all of my resentment, he was hurt too and we need to decided what to d

  • turg143:

    My boyfriend Adam and I have been together for about 6 months now. We’ve known each other for almost a year. When we met I was with someone else (Richard) in a rather settled, boring and strain-filled 2 year relationship. I met Adam at a local open mic and loved his music (I am also a musician). Nothing happened between us, we flirted but I was taken and not looking at the time.

    A few months later I ended up moving with Richard to a bigger city, in hopes of furthering my music career. I knew our relationship was on the rocks but also knew I needed to move to get away from my home town, as the music scene there was dying. Well, we fought a lot (as we were very different people) and then I ended up really getting to know Adam after we worked together on my album cover (he’s a photographer). After getting settled here, I realized that I had fallen OUT of love with Richard completely, and had begun to fall IN love with Adam!

    I could never cheat, and knew the time had come to leave Richard… he took it hard but it felt very right. He moved out and almost simultaneously I ended up in a long distance relationship with Adam. I couldn’t believe how much we had in common, we visited each other a few times and it felt so magical! We talk/ed every night on Skype for up to 4 or 5 hours. It has moved very fast and we both have been able to open up with each other more than we ever felt possible. I am in love! Recently thought, I’ve began to have some fears that I find hard to bring up… he is SO in love with me and now I feel a weight on my shoulders; long distance is stressful and the pressure is mounting. What adds the extra pressure? Adam also has a 7 year old son back in my home town who lives with him 1/2 the time. I get along well with his son too, we’ve hung out a lot and never had a conflict – he’s always happy to see me. He’s still friends with his ex (who I also get along with) and works full time at a low wage job that he likes (but barely pays the bills). He’s 31, I’m 25.

    All in all, it’s a pretty good deal. Adam is loving, open minded, shares all of my values and goals in life. I feel he enriches my life and I could see us getting married. We have talked about moving in together and it feels like a great idea… but I still don’t want to move back to my home town as it would feel like a death sentence to my music career. He can’t just up and move here (though he wants to) because his son’s mom lives there and doesn’t want to move! It’s a 5 hour trip.

    We are in a pickle. I feel like I need to date him normally (in the same city) to know 100% that he’s the one for me. This situation makes me feel pressured and stressed out because all this back and forth is making it hard for me to have balance in my life. I feel like I lead a double life – one here as a career-driven entrepreneur striving to achieve my dreams as a recording artist (which is hard, but satisfying); and the other as a woman in love, who wants to start building a life with her mate and feel settled.

    All this switching is making me dizzy and I am beginning to have doubts… how can we ever resolve this without taking a huge risk? We’re both broke musician’s and of course his son comes first. What if we move to the same city and things don’t work out? What if we stay long distance and eventually I need to leave him because of the stress? (my mind is a constant chatter about it these days). His son is already becoming attached and it’s a BIG adjustment living with a kid (I visit them about every 2 weeks for 3 days). I’m not sure I’m ready – I don’t want to end this but it takes so much energy to keep up! He is totally committed to me and I know he would do whatever he can to keep us together… I just don’t know what to suggest. Or how to bring up the full extent of my fears when he seems so sure. If he didn’t have a son… he would just move here and I wouldn’t be so worried about messing up. I feel stuck! Help help! This is driving me crazy!
    Well, I’d never ask him to move in with me without his son… nor would I ask him to sacrifice anything to do with his son. I am willing to live with him and his son and know I don’t need to be the mom – he has one!
    She’s doing a good job and so is Adam.

    It’s just that I don’t want either of us to end up feeling resentful and I don’t want to cause any trauma for the son either – disrupting his life just to have his dad more for myself!

    In the end, I love him for all that he is – son and all. Just that I’m young and not sure if these feelings will stay so strong and not sure what to act on as there is a lot involved/at stake! Don’t wanna mess up! It’s just hard to keep up this lifestyle (bouncing between cities) and keep focused on my ambitions. Plus we’re both finding it hard to do financially.
    ***above details meant to be reply to answer below!

  • Heath:


    well me and my ex have been broken up for about a year but he constantly goes back to me whenever i start talking to him again its like a cycle. we went out for a year and broke up twice. the first is because me and another guy kissed..it was the biggest mistake of mistake of my life yes i know it was horrible and i wish i could take it back..we got back together and stayed together for about 6 months then we broke up because we were fighting a lot. i went to europe for a month and only came back a week ago, and the day i came back his best friend told me my ex is dating somebody.

    so i have a plan. i want him to myself, so after i found out he is dating somebody i asked him to hang out with me, because i knew he would. hes been talking to me since the day i came back. so a few days ago we saw each other and ended up sleeping together (we are 19 so were legal just in case you wonder). hes still seeing her & didnt bother telling me..even though i knew the whole time. the rest of my plan; i want to tell her that me and him slept together. ill be seeing her in a few days as i go to the same night place as her. she doesnt know who i am though, so how do i get her to believe me? its his birthday today and she got him a present..only to find out hes not as great as he seems.

    he obviously doesnt care much about her, and i know what i want & dont care what i have to do to get it. i dont know her, and i do not mind sacrificing her for my happiness..even though that may be selfish. i could lie and say im doing this for the greater good but honestly i want him in just my life and not hers. so how do i tell her everything, if we have never met?

    thank you :)
    to the first comment..
    i know he is trying to play us at the same time, but thats the thing. i dont care because i just find this a fun game. i just want them to seperate because i know i can make it happen…its fun. and hey in the end she wont be with a guy who thinks he can play this little game…

  • United:

    I’m in deep folks. The good news is that I think God is watching out for me and doing for me what I can’t do for myself. I’ve been a BAC for 5 years and have abstained from sexual intercourse. I have fooled around with some of the men I have dated but the relationships were short and over quickly for one reason or another. I know God doesn’t want me to do anything sexual before marriage and I would love to be able to refrain from all sexual acts but it’s tough ya know? Anyway I made a promise to God that I definitely would not do the big one til marriage and I haven’t though I’ve had opportunities. Anywho…all that said there’s a guy I’m involved with who is all wrong for me. He says he’s a Christian and we’ve been to church together but the truth is that all we have going is sexual chemistry. The temptation is unbelievable and the first of its kind in my Christian life. Anyway, anytime we’ve ever fooled around we end up getting in a big fight and breaking up. We JUST got back together and started talking, well, of sexual things and how we like it. I made a comment that he’d better not blab any of this to anyone and he suddenly got mad and said goodbye. (Via text message). I was so embarrassed! He then told me (text) that I should have known better than to think he’d do something like that. I was crying and told him not to call me for a month so that I could get over my shame and embarrassment. He obliged. Now, I’m not a Jesus freak (not that there’s anything wrong with it) but I am a Bible reading Christian and just got involved in intersessory prayer. I believe that God doesn’t want me to be involved with this guy. He’s one of those bad boys and I’m so embarrassed that I’m even attracted to him. I think God is stopping it from happening because I’m too caught up in the flesh to do it myself. Anything like this ever happen to you? Please share your comments and experiences. Sorry this was so long. Oh by the way….I LOVE YOU LORD!!!
    Have you ever heard the saying “I would have made this shorter but I didn’t have the time.” ? Sorry for the length of this but I’m too filled with emotion to do any editing.

  • Clayton Cottrell:

    Every night i have the same concept of this dream. My boyfriend and i are either together/hanging out/chilling/driving ect. Then his “best friend”/ex-girlfriend always shows up somehow (May i add she wants be with him and hates me in real life). I lose my cool around her n i always end up either yelling/screaming at her or i beat the living crap out of her. Im always happy after i do so but then my bf gets REALLY mad at me n walks away from me. It makes me feel bed that i feel like i disappointed him. Then i wake up stressed out n i dont even feel like i had a good nights sleep. Ok, what the heck does this mean?!?!? when will the dream go away?

  • Taylor G:

    I am a 29 yo woman dating a 45 yo man who s been divorced for the past 4 years and who has also gone through a very bad marriage for 10 years. We had knows each other for like 2 years, we work together, and we tarted dating 10 months ago , the relationship is not one of the easiest, we love being together and we get along great but with different hours at work and his kids we see each other almost everyday but barely get some quality time alone just me and him . He has been seeing a counselor in the years after the divorce and he does not talk about his feelings very much, but instead he shows them with actions that mean a lot. I know he has feelings for me, but in ten months he has not said I LOVE YOU to me yet. 4 months ago we were having some issues because he said he was not ready to let go of love and would never say the world I LOVE U again because he gave his ex everything and in return she gave him 10 years of misery, and he will never say I LOVE YOU again, nor get burned again. Yesterday for the very first time we got in a big fight and I was done with it (he is a man and like any other man he does men stuff) I was hurt and in shock, he apologized , explained and he cried for the very first time since we have been together, he finally said “I don ‘t want to lose you, I never betrayed you nor being unfaithful to you, I care about you way too much, what I feel for you is something uncommon that I have never felt before with any other woman” then he told me ” I don’ t want it to be over. You re as close as LOVE as i have had in a long time”. I asked him what does the last expression mean and he said it is up to me to understand what it means, and his feelings toward me.

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